Rejection can get us off our game, especially if we are building confidence. Thankfully there are mindset shifts we can do to help us maintain confidence after rejection.
Hey there and welcome to, I Can, I Am, I Will. The world’s number one podcast for confidence and self-empowerment. This is the 6th episode in our 100 podcasts in 100 days series. I love that. I love how we’re just trucking along.
Welcome I’m Lyndsey. I’m your confidence coach. And here with this podcast together we’re going to discuss how you can stop limiting yourself to build your confidence and achieve goals. I want to give you mindset shifts, and actionable advice in an approachable compassionate environment. Because I’ve been there. I’ve been the person who did not feel so confident at all. And I needed help. And I was able to establish confidence. And it feels good. I want you to have that.
Before we begin, I would like to ask you to please comment, like, share, leave reviews. I’m really trying to get the word out. If you’d like to support my work, I’m also setting up a Patreon. A link will be in the description. I love this community and I appreciate any support. Thank you so much.
Finding You Confidence
Alright, let’s dive right in. So the previous two episodes we talked about digging up your confidence and what that means. And digging up your confidence is the idea that you have confidence inside of you all along. It is your birthright. However, during your life, you may have not been encouraged to be confident, or you may not have been taught, or have known how to be confident. And instances could have happened that have hurt your confidence. So now we need to dig it up. We need to move things around, do some mindset shifts, go into that story that we tell about ourselves, reflect on past experiences and figure out where we lost our confidence.
And maybe you were never taught how to build it to begin with. That is OK too. Because when we go through previous experiences in which things have happened that hurt our confidence we can work through those experiences. And then we become confident and you have this confidence in you. You got it kid. You got what you need. Everyone has what they need. We’re just going to dig it up. It has been pushed aside.
Maintaining Confidence After Being Rejected
And yesterday I talked about rejection, and I talked about rejection in the form of us being rejected for being who we are—maybe if you were called weird for liking something that other people didn’t like. And now I want to talk about rejection in the form of being rejected by other people. Maybe for a school, or a job interview, or a love interest, or a writing competition, or any kind of competition. Rejection hurts. And it can hurt our confidence if we let it. So the reason why rejection hurts is because of an outdated primal instinct.
So rejection, it takes up the same part of our brain and triggers the same pain response as if we are physically hurt. That’s why rejection hurts so bad. It can feel as bad as physical pain, because the same part of our brain is being activated. And that is because when we were hunting, hunter gatherers, and there were sabretooth tigers all around, it was beneficial for us to be in a pack. If not, if we were rejected from the pack, we could die.
And I felt like that sounded like super serious. We could die. Now that just got weird. Can you see how people think I’m weird? I have no clue.
But if we were rejected, then that would mean that could mean death. So now we have that instinct that if we get rejected it can hurt. Because that is our body telling us hey something’s wrong. But things are different now. If you get rejected by a potential love interest, it doesn’t mean that you are going to die. And we need to remind ourselves that. While it hurts we can still move on.
There is abundance. And we can move forward in a competent state. Rejection sucks. And it can hurt your confidence, and it can make you feel like you’re stuck, and you can’t move forward. But there are so many stories about people who have been rejected hundreds of times who kept going. JK Rowling was rejected. I can’t think of any off the top of my head, I really looked at it, I wish I looked it up before I did this podcast. But you got what I mean. Like people have been rejected and they have worked through it. And they kept working through it.
So even though it can hurt your confidence, it’s important for us to keep working through it. And a way you can do that is by mindset shifts and acknowledging that it’s good to even try. That is where the bread and butter is. Right there. Just to instead of focusing on being rejected, focus on the fact that you tried.
And I had a friend, she called me up. She’s really upset. She got rejected for an opportunity. And she told, me she said, “what if I won’t be a success? I thought this opportunity was going to be my way to success.” And I told her, I said, “listen I’ve probably been rejected like five times already today. Like I can’t even tell you. I don’t even know.”
Focus Your Mindset
When I apply for a job and they reject me I just delete the email and I keep on going. And sometimes, yes if I had a job that I was applying to and I went through a lot of interviews. One I went to like eight interviews. And I got rejected right at the final round. That really hurt. I put a lot of energy into it, and I really wanted the position. It was in a city I wanted to live in so that really sucked. So I didn’t invalidate my feelings. I still acknowledged that it sucked, and it hurt, but I stopped myself. When I went down the path of, oh if I just did this different or if I just did that different, I stopped myself there. Because rejection can have you questioning your abilities, and questioning your confidence. But you don’t want to do that. You want to maintain your confidence. Even in rejection because your confidence can get deigned and it can’t hurt. But it should come back up if you have true confidence. It will come back up and you will get it back. So allow yourself to be rejected. Put yourself out there. I would hate for you to shut yourself off and not go after opportunities because you’ve been rejected previously and because you did not know how to manage it. Or because it hurt. So go after it, do the thing, and know that there is an opportunity for rejection. But if you are rejected, that does not mean that you are not a confident person. And it does not mean that you are not valuable, or that you can’t do the thing.
You are worthy. You are deserving. You can. You are. You will. I can, I am, I will. Because you can. But rejection, it happens. And you can use rejection positively to keep going as well. And that is how we should see rejection in order for us to get to a confident place and stay in that confident place.
And that is what I have for you today. I hope that you enjoyed this podcast today, and I hope that you will join tomorrow. I love that you are continually showing up for yourself, and we’re going to end with our iffirmations.
Are you ready?
Alright y’all, I will see you tomorrow.