Just like plants, people need supportive environments to grow and thrive. Is your environment supporting your confidence?
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Note: The podcast is not scripted and is transcribed using software. The transcript is nearly verbatim but may not be exact. It may include edits for ease of reading and/or minor grammatical errors.
Hey there. Welcome to I Can, I Am, I Will. The podcast designed to encourage you and help you build your confidence and self-empowerment. Today we are going to talk about who benefits from you not being confident.
When we understand the dynamics of our cultural environment, we will be better able to navigate that cultural environment. We are currently in one that is designed to not support your confidence.
For those of you who are new here, my name is Lyndsey. I’m a confidence and self-empowerment coach. With this podcast we talk about concepts and ideas that I used to overcome my people pleasing tendencies, my lack of self-worth, to be the confident strong woman that I am today.
Spreading the love y’all.
Yesterday I talked about comparative thinking and I said how when we compare ourselves to others businesses make out.
Because we compare ourselves to others, and then we try to look like other people or celebrities, and we end up buying a whole bunch of things. So the businesses are benefiting and the celebrities are benefiting but we’re not benefiting. We’re stuck trying to compare ourselves to someone and we’re never going to be that person.
It’s negatively impactful. It’s kind of like, imagine having a poll on your back with a dollar on a string hanging down. And you’re constantly running, trying to grab that dollar. You’re not going to get that dollar because you’re not going to be someone else. No matter what kind of lipstick you wear, no matter if you get ass fillers, or if you get any kind of surgery done.
You’re not going to look like that person because there’s no comparison. You are you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, in this current cultural narrative that we have here you may think there might be something wrong with you. Just being who you naturally are.
Because we’re not encouraged to be confident. I don’t know if it’s because with marketing culture just kind of was created around us comparing ourselves to others. Did marketers just get lucky? Did these businesses just got lucky or was this intentional?
Cultural Narrative and Confidence
I don’t know which one it was but like with most things I say it doesn’t matter the intention it matters how we see it, and how we manage it. Our mindset towards it. That’s why I want to talk to you about the cultural narrative that we’re in and about the society that you were living in, and how it is automatically negatively impactful for your confidence.
When you know this then you will have this power. You will give yourself permission to reject the narrative that is bringing you down, and then you’re just going to put yourself up continually all throughout your life.
When you do that other people are going to see that and they’re going to emulate it. We’re going to help each other.
If you’re growing up and your parents didn’t feel confident, or a sibling that you looked up to, or someone that you looked up to. If they didn’t feel confident about themselves, they might have done things like look in the mirror and critique themselves. They might have said negative things about themselves, and then you might start to do that.
So you might look in the mirror and think, “Oh my arms are too saggy,” or “I don’t like my freckles,” or “I wish that I had this…” And you might be looking at what you’re lacking like you’re without.
If you grew up in an environment where people were constantly focused on their external features—their external looks—then you might be focused on that too. And you might think that your value and your worth is derived upon that, but it’s not. It’s hard to break out of that cycle, because it is just a continual looping that you can get stuck in.
You’re stuck in this comparative thinking, comparing yourself to others thinking you need to buy something that’s going to make you feel worthy. Thinking you need to look like someone else thinking that you’re not good enough. And it just keeps going around in the circle.
You’re thinking you’re not good enough. So then you buy something to make yourself feel better. It lasts for a little while, but then you go back to having that negative feeling. And then you just keep going around in circles.
So what we need to do is put a wrench in that circle. We need to get to the bottom of the issue and understand what’s going on in order to change. The issue is that you have not been supported in your environment to feel confident.
That’s the overarching issue. What are you going to do? You can change it. And that’s what we’re going to do. As we become a more confident people, and we reject this comparison and we find our self-worth, and we stop chasing for external validation.
Changing the Narrative
Slowly we will change this narrative. However, right now you are not going to change the cultural narrative. So you change the narrative of your culture that you have within yourself. Acknowledge this world is not the most supportive. However, there are people out there who want to help you build your confidence, who know that you can do it. There are people who know that you will.
I’m not the only one. There are other people out there who want to see you succeed, who want to see you happy, and who want you to have mental and emotional well-being. They might not be the best at saying that or expressing that but there are people who want that.
Another important thing to understand is that when you are building your confidence you are not in a supportive environment. Just like a seedling needs to be in cultivated land, if you’re trying to build your confidence you might not be in the best kind of soil.
That’s fine because the great thing about this all is that you can make that soil better in your own in your mind. An example of this would be with me starting a business. I went to a group where you explain your business model and then people give you feedback.
This one genius in the group decided that his great feedback on my business model was going to be that he didn’t think that I could do it. And that he didn’t think that anyone was ever going to listen to me, and he didn’t think that I should even try. That was this this genius’ expert feedback.
And literally I just I called it out. I said, “I’m hearing a lot of limiting beliefs. I came here asking about my marketing and messaging, I did not ask for your personal reaction towards my business plan.”
Protecting Your Confidence
So when you are aware of how these things in your environment can negatively impact you, and when you are aware of how you are in an environment that isn’t that supportive of your confidence building, then you can focus on the people and the things that are helping you.
Remember Mr. Rogers, look for the helpers. And when you put your focus, when you shift your focus into the people that are supportive of you and into the people that are helping you then you will be helping yourself by taking your focus away from the negativity.
It can be easy to focus on negative comments if someone says something negatively about us. It can be easy to focus on that because sometimes it feels good. Because we’re so used to getting them. But the next time you get a negative comment instead of focusing on it you can think, “I’m not in a supportive environment, this is what’s to be expected in this kind of environment.”
That does not excuse it. It’s still not OK, but it explains it. And I’m going to still be who I am and I’m going to still work on my confidence no matter what. When you get that mind frame and you keep doing it, people won’t tell you that you can’t anymore. I seriously have not had anyone told me I can’t do something in a long time.
I feel like they know better because I think that they just know that they’ll get laughed at. Depending on my mood, how much sleep have I had? How recently have I eaten?
With that we’re going to end with are I affirming statements. You can say them with me, you do not have to. Do what makes you feel comfortable, you decide. Are you ready?
Have a great day
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